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Its blinking at me telling me that i should write something, but i don't know what. My life is so boring, and irritating right now, what could i possibly write about now??Easter is coming up, and i might say i like Easter, but not nearly as much as i do thanksgiving and Christmas. We hide the eggs, kids find the eggs, kids eat the candy, and then its over. Where as with thanksgiving we gather together as a family, all the ladies come to one room and mix up there favorite dishes and have food fights while in the process, sit play games and chat, love one another show compassion, but with Easter there just isn't much to it maybe their is a lot to it, but I'm just to stubborn to realize it. I don't know why i am so gloomy about it this year, but for the first time i can remember, I'm really not HAPPY WITH MYSELF.
Why is that you say.... because we get something done like we were told and and then the person turns around and tells us that it wasn't enough. I failed my family, friends, loved ones, and those that are supposed to be in my future that now will never make it, right now i feel like I'm not enough for my family, that they could do so much better than me. Like everyone would be better off if i wasn't there.
WHAT? am i talking about. I'm loved and because something went wrong I'm giving up? NO I'm just mad, irritated, raging fumes through my head. that i tried so hard and still cant get everything right. When i try and don't succeed what do people see in me. Someone that failed them? A loser that cant even get math after her 4Th, 5Th, 6Th try *i lost count*? What would Hallie and Kayden +((future kid/s)) think when i made promises to them that i would get something done and turn around and FAILED. Hallie has a good life ahead of her thank GOODNESS for Shannon & Jeff, but Kayden + (future kid/s) if he sees that i cant accomplish something that seems to be so simple and yet i cant get it what would he think of me? How would Hallie and Kayden + (Future kid/s) look at me?
Would they see me as someone that tried?, but couldn't do it?. Does that mean i quit on them? I have so much frustration going on that i don't know what to do with myself. How can i make sure that others get a good education when i cant even land it myself?
*I'M HORRIFIED that someone is going to recognize me from somewhere and ask what i have been doing, and the only thing i can say IS NOTHING!ABSOLUTELY NOTHING good came out with my life!* That education certificate lets everyone know that I'm not a flak, i can do anything, i accomplished something all by my-self!
(it should not matter what others feel or think about you, but what you feel and think about of your self) ??? How can i feel good about something when i cant even pass a simple as it ,looks of a DAMN math test.
Why wont this pain go away? This pain of letting people down, of not getting my goal finished in the right time frame? Of feeling Sore & Numb.
5 Monstrously awesome verbiage!:
Jordann, I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. You need to realize that you are doing the best you can and not be so hard on yourself.
You have done amazing things in your life and you need to remember that. You have done things that are not easy. Keep your chin up, things will be fine in the end. You are just being tested right now and you will be a stronger person because of it.
You're not letting anyone down, silly. In the end, it's about being happy that matters. Hallie is just going to want you to be happy. So do what you can to please yourself. Take care of yourself, do something for yourself that will give you a boost. We all need a little pick me up every now and then.
Love you,
Shannon
Hi, you don't know me but I just wanted to tell you to try again. Do they offer tutoring for that test?
No, but they have the books i have bought them. Im just going to face the fact that Math is just not going to happen for me. The first time i did it i did better than when i studied for it the other 100 times. HUM!! im keeping my head up, just very frusterating when things just dont go as planned.
I have Math issues too, so I hear you. I had to take Math when I was in college four times-when I only needed one class!!! It's really too bad that there isn't an adult school in the area that you can hit to get some help. Hang in there and try again. You'll be SO proud of yourself when the day comes and you pass this damn thing!
im sure there is one somewhere. I take my math at the SLCC, I was having my brother in law tutor me, but he said to me i dont know what yourproblem is your getting them right off the back. Thats me for ya do so well on the assignments, but when a test is at play i freak out. I dont know why that it is. I have tried everything to not think of it as a test. Maybe its cause i can use my books during an assignment and not during the test. Oh well im not giving up, and one day im going to get it. Even if im 60 yrs old.
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